so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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