i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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