I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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