the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
