well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
