Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
