Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize