I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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