Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
