You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
