Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
