I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
