How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
