yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i now understand why vodka
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
