Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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