idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How does one acquire holy water?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
