Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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