i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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