UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
be right there i have to get my cape
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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