At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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