ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
