I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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