my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
