The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
