dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
