Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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