yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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