im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You left your phone here
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