I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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