omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
