I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
