I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize