i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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