There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
