So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
