I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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