What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
