the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
