marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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