I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
