He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
