Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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