I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize