the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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