so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
