I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
