you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he was CRYING into my vagina
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Randomize
