I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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