Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Randomize
