hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
