Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
