youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize