I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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