u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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