The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
