why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
