i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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