an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
