I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
