i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just tell him i said nine months
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize