Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
