Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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