I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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