I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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