butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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