someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
