Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
