Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
