i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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