Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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